We now have two funerals to attend this weekend.
My grandfather died.
It isn't one of those usual deals where i would go visit him once and awhile like most people do their own. i lived with him during my teen years. All other men in my life that i was supposed to look up to as a role model of 'how men should be' failed hard in many different ways. My grandpa was different.
He never effectively abandoned or left behind any children he had. He was the only one to never be physically violent with me. He gave everyone everything, from the shirt off his back, to the homes he had owned. He was kind, gentle, loving, and patience was his very soul. He took in and raised other people's children. He never said no to anyone in need of anything. And he did it with little-to-nothing in his pocket or in his name his whole life.
Others in the family rejected me after my transition in the ugliest ways you can imagine, and they did it with a bible in their hand. After some time spent praying over it, my grandfather not only defended me, he insisted i was only following their scripture as his god intended.
'If your eye or hand offends you, remove it from you'. Applied below the waist.
My boyfriend has a strong similarity to him, and it's one of the reasons i fell in love with him. My grandfather was the one and only example i have ever seen in my life of what Christ seemed to set forth in his philosophy. And now he's gone.
This has influenced my reactions online for the last few days, and i don't think i'm capable of retaining control anymore. i think it may have long since slipped already.
i'm going to go away for a little while now.
2 comments:
Hey! Thanks for leaving me a comment on my blog, the one about the Cheap Shots bar. It's always nice to hear from someone local. Take care of yourself, and I hope you'll be back online and blogging soon.
My Dad's parents were Baptist seminary students, did missionary stints on various reservations through the years and held church posts when they weren't "on the rez". Both were of the Christian faith your Grandfather was instead of the "fundie" hate types so prevalent everywhere these days. My wife, divorced when we met, took much comfort in Grandma showing her scriptures outlining divorce in the Bible. Grandpa died when I was 9 but I was around him a lot and heard him speak many times and never heard a word from him that wasn't "love" in one form or another.
I hope that somehow having known someone as wonderful as your Grandfather in your life reminds you that there are good people in this world despite the everyday examples we see; that somehow the way he lived and treated those around him will spread through those he loved and overpower the misuses of all the things he believed in...
I hope you know how much you are cared for in this world...
alan
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